How do I talk to my playgroup?

Hi, everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend!

Thanks for coming by! Today, I'd like to both share a story and elaborate in this post, the first of three elaborating on my last one, on talking to your playgroup. It's the most commonly offered piece of advice, at least on r/edh on Reddit, but how do we go about this?

When my first playgroup and I first picked up Commander, then still known as Elder Dragon Highlander (EDH), we had no real idea what we were doing. We knew of the banlist, learned the rules of deck construction, and leaned into it with gusto.

You know, before it was cool.

It was 2009, I think, when we, as a group, decided to give the format a fair shot. I had been playing the shortest length of time of the 5 or 6 of us, but had been playing Standard "competitively" since I picked up the game when Morningtide came out. But as with many, we'd collectively gotten tired of rotation, of stale metagames, of walking some 40 minutes into town (on the Great Lakes. In the winter.).

But on the other hand, we wanted to do something with the cards we'd collected. So EDH had a lot of appeal.

Clearly, some OP bullshit.

Until we sat down to play, at least.

Our first game was... well, memorable. One guy had built a Szadek deck (that's awkward to say), but included Grixis Grimblade. That was a big deal, for some reason; he'd broken the rules! He got mad (perhaps rightly so) that no one had made it clear for him in advance, even though it was just a joke, a misunderstanding the rest of us thought was funny. One guy ramped into... nothing. The others sort of durdled; one with Maralen of the Mornsong and one with Jeska.








We entered into something of a Golden Age, once we cleared up some deck construction issues (seriously, Sheldon, ban Grimblade plz). Hilarious plays were made; I remember having Rhys the Redeemed equipped with Tatsumasa, the Dragon's Fang, and he kept attacking the guy with the biggest boardstate to kill off a blocker every turn. To ensure Rhys's survival, another guy used Spearbreaker Behemoth on Rhys. An elf with a katana was easily taking on Giants and Elementals; it was really something out of a really cliché anime.

Games like that taught me the importance of running effects that interact with your opponent. It's an obvious lesson for one-on-one Magic, but we all got so caught up in being able to do whatever we wanted, we more-or-less forgot to do what we needed to do. So I loaded up on an effect my colours of choice could do better than most:

Tucking.

I feel you, Alovnek.

I Condemned someone's General, and while a legal play at the time, that wound up costing me. Costing us, really.

Condemn in my Darien, King of Kjeldor and Rhys the Redeemed decks, and later Bant Charm in Rafiq of the Many, all prompted an arms race. Now, students of history, those who've gone through this with their playgroups, and those gifted with more common sense than we had can all see where this is going.

One guy's approach was to build a deck that never cast his Commander unless he needed a live-or-die blocker. Another guy built Uril the Miststalker, against whom I could Hallowed Burial, but that was decidedly a scorched earth play. One guy stoically stayed the course, playing as perhaps the creators of EDH had intended- with a huge-ass dragon in charge and funky old creatures. Another guy built a 5-Colour deck and often became the Archenemy before it was even a thing. The last guy scrapped his fun Maralen of the Mornsong group-hug deck in favour of Erayo, Soratami Ascendant.

"Fun" for the whole family!

Fig. 1 - Not healthy.

This, in turn, prompted some collection building. Not just singles, mind you; we bought a significant number of repacks, called Retro Packs, at our LGS. Few of us had cards older than Time Spiral, so getting stuff from Mercadian Masques to Fifth Dawn provided us with... well, crap, mostly. But some of the answers were unexpected? I remember a lot of Mirrodin-block cards and some cool stuff from Kamigawa, but I don't know if I would call any of our decks in that era "good." Good against each other, perhaps, but I remember one random guy joining us for an evening and we got stomped. That's another article, though.

So, we were spending money trying to shore up increasingly bizarre and inbred decks to level the playing field, and things weren't... healthy.

On a scale of 1 to flaming skeleton, we were about... here.

I don't remember what prompted the discussion specifically. But it was a long time coming. People were tired of the tucking I was doing, tired of Erayo, tired of non-interactive Generals. This wasn't to say there was any animosity; but games of EDH were fast becoming onerous. All we wanted was a fun way to cast huge spells, catch up on the day, and hang out. Unlike other groups, we were playing almost every day, which while awesome and something I miss about university, contributed to the feeling of burnout.






After a particularly rough game, as we were shuffling up for another, we talked at length. Everyone aired their grievances, be it with Erayo, rampant permanent (read: land) destruction, tucking, and hexproof.

Before the accusations of scrubery get thrown around, keep in mind that many of these things are not problems when done in moderation. In fact, as most of you undoubtedly know, tucking of Commanders is gone. There are Commanders far more oppressive than Erayo. Mass land destruction is more contentious, but the most popular view I've come across is that it's fine if you then win in short order. But do it for "teh lulz" is lame. Why drag out the game needlessly, right?

My point is that perception changes, and if you can convince your group that change is good and healthy, then more power to you. Noone in my crew was having fun anymore, and so something had to be done. I'm older now, and wiser (maybe?), so many of these problems do seem trivial. But no one wanted to quit, to stop playing, and so we made concessions. I eased up on the tucking. Not completely; that wasn't even the request of the group. But a little flexibility on my part meant that Erayo was retired. Not completely, but both Erayo and Maralen were combined to make a Sygg, River Cuthroat deck. Uril was brought out only in times of great need (see the random joining our game, above). The 5-Colour guy tweaked his deck to do crazy things. He added a Grozoth to his deck with a 9-drop package (Plague Wind, etc.) just for something different. SALT I and SALT II had succeeded, and we were back on track. We worked together to improve most of our decks at the same rate, such that broken nonsense was played, but when everything is broken, nothing is. "Fair" play was encouraged. Problem lands were the only lands that got destroyed and Sundering Titan (who was later banned. Good riddance.) was run only in a friend's Karn deck. Tucking was rare; Bant Charm became my weapon of choice due to its flexibility. Countermagic was played, but not excessively so. Games were fun again; we played a huge amount of Archenemy, some Planechase, and Star (a really cool variant of 5-player magic).

And so we entered a Silver Age, which would continue until the graduation of myself and another guy, and two more moving away. Most of us still talk, but I wonder if this would be the case today if we hadn't worked out the issues we had with one another's style of play. Hard to say.

More often, however, it comes down to one guy not having fun. What do you do then?

In my experience, it's the same thing. It's harder to compromise when one person is left out. The reasons they might have a problem with a given group are diverse, but often come down to budget, a different definition of "casual play," and/or incompatible personality. None of these are exactly easy to deal with, but I'll pass on my advice, much of it hard-won, unfortunately.

1. Budget

#BfZExpeditions

In terms of budget, it's easy to tell someone to proxy.

Now, I really, really don't like proxies. I don't mind proxied cards if you have a copy, and don't want to swap it between decks, for time's sake, or whatnot. I don't mind if you've ordered the card, and it's taking a long time to come. Canada Post takes forever, and American stores are better; the selection is unmatched. I can sympathize; do up a nice, or at least clear, proxy, and there's no issue. Hopefully it arrives soon. If you have a rare or valuable card, and would really rather not play it, fine. I don't get it, but fine.

Other than that, I'm firmly anti-proxy.

That said, if it's something your group is comfortable allowing, then it is one way to balance things out. However, for myself, I always bring a budget deck to the weekly Commander Nights my wife and I attend. I'd rather play a low-power game than not play at all. I give away playmats, cards, and deckboxes, usually anonymously (I give it to the TO and have them give it away as an in-store promo, usually to a kid). So, I try to level the playing field that way.

So, proxies, playing other decks, and leveling the playing field through trades or giving things away can all help.

If you're the one that feels they're lagging behind the rest of the group, there is no shame in addressing these points from your end, either. A simple "Hey, guys; I've got some other stuff going on, but would you mind if I proxied a couple cards, balance things out?" could solve the problem. If not, then you guys can talk about either slowing the meta down or making a few trades to help you get there. Pride can be a difficult thing to overcome, but anything worth doing will, at times, be hard. If they're your friends, they'll care more about getting to play with you than about playing the most powerful cards they have or letting you proxy. If they don't, well, maybe it's time to look for another group.

The format is about fun with your friends. If anything else comes first, then you'll find that this comes last.

2. What is "fun?"

I remember playing a game against two guys that thought mass land destruction was absolutely hilarious. They were high, and I guess it was an inside joke?

It's not how I play, and it wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but for one game, I sucked it up.

"Imma blow up yo' lands!"

For pick up games, you rarely know what you're in for. So you have to accept that at least in those instances, complaining doesn't net you much benefit, especially if it's unlikely you'll see these people again. And if you do, well, you're certainly not obligated to play with them.

With a regular playgroup, however, I've found that it helps to casually ask now and again, for the sake of the group, to ask what people think of the deck I'm playing. It doesn't have to be "fishing for compliments" style; a simple "Hey, guys; should I change it up? I've got [Commander name] with me,too" or "what do you guys think of [CARDNAME]?" Questions like that help generate useful feedback and help you keep your finger on the pulse of the group. If you ask, people tend to be honest if they're not happy. If they're not, well... you asked, at least. I'd say you did your part.

Discussions don't always need to be serious; a couple casual questions might be enough.

3. Why can't we all just get along?

Because fuck you, that's why.

Occasionally, you'll run into people that you don't like, don't like you, or both. Ideally, these people won't be a part of your regular pod/playgroup, but if it can't be helped, remember the Golden Rule. Treat them as civilly as possible, regular opponent or not. If they're a regular opponent, I might ask myself why I tolerate them, but that doesn't change the fact that we should kill them with kindness. At least, until a more conventional form of killing becomes the norm.

I'm obviously joking.

Even if you take no pleasure from the doing the right thing for its own sake, I guess the moral high ground is a pretty sweet silver medal.

If you absolutely must exclude someone, it's best if the rest of the group is on the same page, you do so calmly, explaining why, and then either ask them to leave or vacate yourselves. Rip the Band-aid off, then put some distance between the two parties. This should help alleviate any awkwardness, and if they're in any way reasonable, you should be able to part ways like adults.

Ice cold.

Move to Adjourn

That's about it for this post, everyone! Hopefully all of this rambling outlines a few good ways to approach problems in your playgroup. It is as simple as "just talk to your playgroup," but hopefully this helps to explain how you can do so without burning bridges. It comes down to empathy, some grace, and suppressing that urge to kill, all of which are traits of a mature, functioning member of society. Can't ask for much more when playing a social format!

Thanks for checking in, everyone! See you on Wednesday! Please hit me up with any feedback!